Before I give a little feedback, let me say that I adored this. It’s hard for me to like most romance in fiction literary or otherwise for a variety of reasons but what you’ve done here is create a situation with major tension that’s also very mundane and it works very well. The almost confessional tone to the beginning feels right to me and you did a lot with a difficult breadth of time to work with (in my opinion).
That said, the second half is what really shines for me here. I think that the exposition in the first half is too freely given. You’ve got strong scenes in the first half that could carry much of exposition that comes later in that section. Basically I’m saying we don’t need a rough outline of his whole life up to the date. A few memorable scenes would work (for me).
Of course this advice is predicated on the idea that I actually understand your vision for this story (I might not). In my view this is a story about how a man has moved past something intellectually but doesn’t know what to do with his emotional need for closure. He made it through being bullied for his hand. He survived the actual attack, and he even did something transformative with the pain he’s felt but none of this changes the fact that his hand creates an emotional distance between him and other people.
The date with Helen— at least in my interpretation (which can be wrong)— is the elimination of this final barrier. Someone not only accepts him with his altered body, she considers it unremarkable in some ways and wants to bond over a shared love of animals. My bias says looking the narrator up is pretty natural but I think “testing” him lends the story a darker tone than intended. I think emphasizing that Helen admires that he still liked dogs after the experience with his hand while also making her a little apologetic for the fact the experience could have been jarring would be a better move. If she was testing him this directly it feels more like the start of a terrible relationship in my mind. I think that trying to just jump right into sharing the animals with him because she hopes he’s telling the truth is a little more grounded. The love interest doing something that would be unhinged irl is a common problem with romance though and I still love her as a character. Thematically her calling it a test feels almost mythic but I (don’t think that suits this story). I can be wrong though.
I wholeheartedly disagree with the person who wanted less of Helen. I agree her power is in her subtlety but she’s thematically very significant and I think you’ve struck a crucial balance that giving her less dialogue would upset. If anything I’m arguing that the direction you were taking Helen (in terms of a less is more approach) is not only right, it would also work for the narrator. Understatement is one of this piece’s strong suits because it conjures the emotional complexity without adding words.
As far as the ending itself I agree that you’ve clinched it thematically but there is an emotional anticlimax with the tease of intimacy. I’m not sure if a full sex scene is the right move (it totally could be if you wanted to take it that way) because I often find that a sentence or two is enough to capture sex (outside of erotica which I could actually see this being). I think the real kicker would be her stroking the hand after sex, and him liking that, or maybe he feels the absence of his fingers against the mattress but isn’t bothered by it for the first time in his life— something that would show a change in self image and the narrative he’s built around the partial loss of his hand. That said, as it stands now a sex scene would be a suitable ending. You could just finish it and there’s something interesting about him fingerbanging her with what he has left. It’s emblematic of leaving what he lost behind and using what he has. So I guess it just comes down to how comfortable you are with writing a sex scene. I will not be shy about saying I’d read a more complete sex scene.
Sorry if I went overboard. I liked this. If any of this works for you happy to help. If not just ignore me. In parting I will echo what others have said. This is my new favorite from you.
to be honest when I wrote this, I thought it was the first part that was better. I considered ending it on the line "afraid of chain link fences" before the first break. that whole bit was the original inspiration for the story.
but the second part of the story was a bit of inspiration that came after that I hoped to tie everything together with, to make the character transition dynamically. you are absolutely right about what the story is about: "emotional distance"--that's the chain link fence. in a way, I think that is why I gave this two titles.
I think the MIDDLE third of this story is where you are feeling a slowdown that could have been avoided. I don't disagree, but looking back at it I can see my aim: i wanted to paint a portrait of someone who was adrift, but entering a new time in their life. something had been extended to them and they wanted to bite it off.
i agree it could have used more editing. I think what I've been learning about myself this year is that while writing a lot of pieces is good for me, they sometimes come out half baked and I dont allow them to foment long enough because I feel the need to publish them. I think my goal for the rest of the year (or at least the summer) is to do as I did last summer and focus on some longer term projects.
I also agree about Helen. the 'test' thing is weird but I think I did that because I wanted part of the story to be that she is a writer, and one of the themes is this push and pull of real/not real--I think I might have phrased it poorly. really she just wanted to know what was real and what was not. I do, though, tend to have mythic, parable-esque tendencies, so it could have been that.
another example of half-baked: the ending. I was going to do basically a sex scene, but non-graphic, and maybe just a sentence or two to really.
it just wasn't coming to me. i also meant to include a part where he kind of "feels" the phantom hand, that is a brilliant idea that I think might have driven me to a better conclusion, absolutely KICKING myself I didn't remember that!!!
as I'm typing that, is it possible the narrator is a woman? i don't think I ever specified.
"Understatement is one of this piece’s strong suits because it conjures the emotional complexity without adding words."
I take this as a major compliment. thanks again helen
You’re so welcome! Totally possible the narrator’s a woman! My bias probably just filled in the gaps bc I don’t remember it specifying. Hinge adds credibility to that interpretation too.
I loved it. I never read any short stories. I didn't know how it worked at all. I love novels, and thought you at least hundred pages to understand the characters. Yours are the one of the first short stories I've read and I got hooked. Midway into this story, I even forgot that it's a short one and as it ended I was thinking I should keep scrolling to get the rest. I wish to be like you, writing some amazing stories.
Really enjoyed this one, Clancy. What works for me the most is the control you move from space for us to fill in to really detailed scenes. In the same way, we give ourselves to people that way - getting to know them through bursts of intimacy with all the gaps still flourishing.
Kate --- great analysis, I think you're right, that is a strength of mine. it's an honor to have someone capable of deducing such tendencies as a reader!
Your opener . A damn good wound. Are you a copy guy like me ?
You don’t flinch. That’s how it’s done.
But Helen? She’s a shadow, not the sun. Give her fewer words. We’re here for the hand. The twitch. And the ending? You coasted. You don’t get to coast after that much honesty. Break us. One last time. Then walk away.
I think i like where helen is at. but you’re right about the ending. it don’t know about breaking, but it didn’t quite wrap how I wanted it, i needed to sit on it longer but also wanted to hit the publish button. so yeah, a coast, but not sure where to go
I, too, sensed this story was not quite finished. Sometimes we have to post a story in order to find that last sentence. Some of my own best writing has taken place after posting -- and often it means subtracting rather than adding. I am grateful that Substack allows us to go back. A fine story, in any case.
Dude we all do it and publish before it settles. I’ve been thinking a lot about how to interact with stories without saying hey I like your shit but leave a mark . Anyways your story stuck me this morning
the more I think about it, the more i think thematically this was how I wanted it to end. i just stopped short of delivering. i was going to write something about her orgasming but i couldn’t get there
This is stunning. Brutal, vulnerable, tender, and unexpectedly funny at times. The pacing is impeccable, and the emotional payoff at the end caught me off guard in the best way.
wow, thanks Allen! great compliments. I think you'll find most of my work unexpectedly funny sometimes. if there's one thing I thought was off in this story, it was the pacing and ending, so really appreciate you liking those.
I loved this, Clancy. What a killer opening. I also enjoyed where you took the story and how it concluded. But man—that first section is so good. One of my favorites of yours!
thanks justin! i liked the first part too. interesting that some people liked the second par my better. glad you liked the ending too. think I coulda done more there though!
I loved it! The character's details and complex backstory are so authentic, vulnerable, and human. An amazing piece, definitely one of those short stories that feels longer...in a great way!
I keep thinking Clancy Steadwell is this other regular NY-er/Times Notable Book author . . . But he(?) may be even better. I enjoy returning to your world's, Clancy. They are very fully realized. Moreover, the language is just so carefully chosen that it has that effect of falling away. It's effortless reading. The psychology of characters is also so well constructed. Big admirer of your work, sir.
thanks Brock! I don't need to be a notable NY-er/Times author if I can become a big time Substack one! I take "effortless reading" as a really big compliment.
It's just such an interesting experiment: to only get to know the author through the Fiction (for many reasons). The characterization is so good. And there's maturity and cinematic clarity to everything. Like two authors that may then just be pretending to be Clancy Steadwell then :)
I love how real your characters feel. You added some beautiful layers to this story and so much heart as always. It’s a joy reading a Steadwell original. And that ending- oof. so good.
Wow. It's awesome that he got back on track after everything. I'm glad he found the girl and I hope he finds a good place in life. The crack about the hundreds of men she's brought back to her place and her finding the humor in it, got a laugh out of me. I've never thought of the perspective of someone who went through a dog attack like that and had to live on with it. This one really made me think. Excellent story, Clancy.
My first memory in life is of being attacked by a dog (I was younger than the narrator) and I've gotta say when the story gets into the backyard and the neighbour's dog, I really got nervous.
So much so, that going back, I'm surprised that it starts with the medical report - had completely forgotten about that - in my mind it started with the attack. Very powerful.
(I remained with a fear of dogs, so good for the narrator to be stuck with fences only; seems more limited.)
I liked Helen's place in the story and how she "tests" the narrator bringing him to the dog shelter for their first date. Tells a lot about her. Enjoyed also the way she treated his hand; feels like the perfect way to handle this.
thanks for reading Anne Marie! I think the fear of the fence is more a fear of reaching out into the unknown for the narrator; extending himself and feeling vulnerable. I think Helen is testing how "real" his story is. hope you got over the dog thing; they are great creatures.
Before I give a little feedback, let me say that I adored this. It’s hard for me to like most romance in fiction literary or otherwise for a variety of reasons but what you’ve done here is create a situation with major tension that’s also very mundane and it works very well. The almost confessional tone to the beginning feels right to me and you did a lot with a difficult breadth of time to work with (in my opinion).
That said, the second half is what really shines for me here. I think that the exposition in the first half is too freely given. You’ve got strong scenes in the first half that could carry much of exposition that comes later in that section. Basically I’m saying we don’t need a rough outline of his whole life up to the date. A few memorable scenes would work (for me).
Of course this advice is predicated on the idea that I actually understand your vision for this story (I might not). In my view this is a story about how a man has moved past something intellectually but doesn’t know what to do with his emotional need for closure. He made it through being bullied for his hand. He survived the actual attack, and he even did something transformative with the pain he’s felt but none of this changes the fact that his hand creates an emotional distance between him and other people.
The date with Helen— at least in my interpretation (which can be wrong)— is the elimination of this final barrier. Someone not only accepts him with his altered body, she considers it unremarkable in some ways and wants to bond over a shared love of animals. My bias says looking the narrator up is pretty natural but I think “testing” him lends the story a darker tone than intended. I think emphasizing that Helen admires that he still liked dogs after the experience with his hand while also making her a little apologetic for the fact the experience could have been jarring would be a better move. If she was testing him this directly it feels more like the start of a terrible relationship in my mind. I think that trying to just jump right into sharing the animals with him because she hopes he’s telling the truth is a little more grounded. The love interest doing something that would be unhinged irl is a common problem with romance though and I still love her as a character. Thematically her calling it a test feels almost mythic but I (don’t think that suits this story). I can be wrong though.
I wholeheartedly disagree with the person who wanted less of Helen. I agree her power is in her subtlety but she’s thematically very significant and I think you’ve struck a crucial balance that giving her less dialogue would upset. If anything I’m arguing that the direction you were taking Helen (in terms of a less is more approach) is not only right, it would also work for the narrator. Understatement is one of this piece’s strong suits because it conjures the emotional complexity without adding words.
As far as the ending itself I agree that you’ve clinched it thematically but there is an emotional anticlimax with the tease of intimacy. I’m not sure if a full sex scene is the right move (it totally could be if you wanted to take it that way) because I often find that a sentence or two is enough to capture sex (outside of erotica which I could actually see this being). I think the real kicker would be her stroking the hand after sex, and him liking that, or maybe he feels the absence of his fingers against the mattress but isn’t bothered by it for the first time in his life— something that would show a change in self image and the narrative he’s built around the partial loss of his hand. That said, as it stands now a sex scene would be a suitable ending. You could just finish it and there’s something interesting about him fingerbanging her with what he has left. It’s emblematic of leaving what he lost behind and using what he has. So I guess it just comes down to how comfortable you are with writing a sex scene. I will not be shy about saying I’d read a more complete sex scene.
Sorry if I went overboard. I liked this. If any of this works for you happy to help. If not just ignore me. In parting I will echo what others have said. This is my new favorite from you.
helen, thanks so much for reading and commenting.
to be honest when I wrote this, I thought it was the first part that was better. I considered ending it on the line "afraid of chain link fences" before the first break. that whole bit was the original inspiration for the story.
but the second part of the story was a bit of inspiration that came after that I hoped to tie everything together with, to make the character transition dynamically. you are absolutely right about what the story is about: "emotional distance"--that's the chain link fence. in a way, I think that is why I gave this two titles.
I think the MIDDLE third of this story is where you are feeling a slowdown that could have been avoided. I don't disagree, but looking back at it I can see my aim: i wanted to paint a portrait of someone who was adrift, but entering a new time in their life. something had been extended to them and they wanted to bite it off.
i agree it could have used more editing. I think what I've been learning about myself this year is that while writing a lot of pieces is good for me, they sometimes come out half baked and I dont allow them to foment long enough because I feel the need to publish them. I think my goal for the rest of the year (or at least the summer) is to do as I did last summer and focus on some longer term projects.
I also agree about Helen. the 'test' thing is weird but I think I did that because I wanted part of the story to be that she is a writer, and one of the themes is this push and pull of real/not real--I think I might have phrased it poorly. really she just wanted to know what was real and what was not. I do, though, tend to have mythic, parable-esque tendencies, so it could have been that.
another example of half-baked: the ending. I was going to do basically a sex scene, but non-graphic, and maybe just a sentence or two to really.
it just wasn't coming to me. i also meant to include a part where he kind of "feels" the phantom hand, that is a brilliant idea that I think might have driven me to a better conclusion, absolutely KICKING myself I didn't remember that!!!
as I'm typing that, is it possible the narrator is a woman? i don't think I ever specified.
"Understatement is one of this piece’s strong suits because it conjures the emotional complexity without adding words."
I take this as a major compliment. thanks again helen
You’re so welcome! Totally possible the narrator’s a woman! My bias probably just filled in the gaps bc I don’t remember it specifying. Hinge adds credibility to that interpretation too.
Best!
Really nice interpretations, Helen. What a wonderful service to my own reading of it.
I loved it. I never read any short stories. I didn't know how it worked at all. I love novels, and thought you at least hundred pages to understand the characters. Yours are the one of the first short stories I've read and I got hooked. Midway into this story, I even forgot that it's a short one and as it ended I was thinking I should keep scrolling to get the rest. I wish to be like you, writing some amazing stories.
thanks Rahul! glad you enjoyed. if you want to write fiction, read a lot of it and write even more!
Really enjoyed this one, Clancy. What works for me the most is the control you move from space for us to fill in to really detailed scenes. In the same way, we give ourselves to people that way - getting to know them through bursts of intimacy with all the gaps still flourishing.
Kate --- great analysis, I think you're right, that is a strength of mine. it's an honor to have someone capable of deducing such tendencies as a reader!
Damn, this one is fantastic, one of my favourites of yours. The ending was such a perfect payoff!
thanks Bob. rare occurrence of me thinking it was one of my best + others also thinking so. some mixed thought on the ending but glad you liked it!
+1 to the ending.
It was like, ¡BANG!, yes that's what you just read now read it again! ¡BANG! 😆
That's the only way I can articulate what reading it was like.
Your opener . A damn good wound. Are you a copy guy like me ?
You don’t flinch. That’s how it’s done.
But Helen? She’s a shadow, not the sun. Give her fewer words. We’re here for the hand. The twitch. And the ending? You coasted. You don’t get to coast after that much honesty. Break us. One last time. Then walk away.
Killer story man
thanks george. not a copy guy, that is for sure.
I think i like where helen is at. but you’re right about the ending. it don’t know about breaking, but it didn’t quite wrap how I wanted it, i needed to sit on it longer but also wanted to hit the publish button. so yeah, a coast, but not sure where to go
I, too, sensed this story was not quite finished. Sometimes we have to post a story in order to find that last sentence. Some of my own best writing has taken place after posting -- and often it means subtracting rather than adding. I am grateful that Substack allows us to go back. A fine story, in any case.
Dude we all do it and publish before it settles. I’ve been thinking a lot about how to interact with stories without saying hey I like your shit but leave a mark . Anyways your story stuck me this morning
the more I think about it, the more i think thematically this was how I wanted it to end. i just stopped short of delivering. i was going to write something about her orgasming but i couldn’t get there
I like it dirty
This is stunning. Brutal, vulnerable, tender, and unexpectedly funny at times. The pacing is impeccable, and the emotional payoff at the end caught me off guard in the best way.
wow, thanks Allen! great compliments. I think you'll find most of my work unexpectedly funny sometimes. if there's one thing I thought was off in this story, it was the pacing and ending, so really appreciate you liking those.
Great story, although I'm not sure why it's described as Horror in Tif. Seems like literary fiction to me.
I loved this, Clancy. What a killer opening. I also enjoyed where you took the story and how it concluded. But man—that first section is so good. One of my favorites of yours!
thanks justin! i liked the first part too. interesting that some people liked the second par my better. glad you liked the ending too. think I coulda done more there though!
"The right amount of freckles."
Oh how I love this line.
I loved it! The character's details and complex backstory are so authentic, vulnerable, and human. An amazing piece, definitely one of those short stories that feels longer...in a great way!
what a great compliment! thanks for reading ally!
I keep thinking Clancy Steadwell is this other regular NY-er/Times Notable Book author . . . But he(?) may be even better. I enjoy returning to your world's, Clancy. They are very fully realized. Moreover, the language is just so carefully chosen that it has that effect of falling away. It's effortless reading. The psychology of characters is also so well constructed. Big admirer of your work, sir.
thanks Brock! I don't need to be a notable NY-er/Times author if I can become a big time Substack one! I take "effortless reading" as a really big compliment.
It's just such an interesting experiment: to only get to know the author through the Fiction (for many reasons). The characterization is so good. And there's maturity and cinematic clarity to everything. Like two authors that may then just be pretending to be Clancy Steadwell then :)
I can assure you, there is only one person attempting to be a Clancy Steadwell
this is so damn good. wow.
get outta here will! stop being too nice!!!
but thank you. appreciate your readership.
I love how real your characters feel. You added some beautiful layers to this story and so much heart as always. It’s a joy reading a Steadwell original. And that ending- oof. so good.
thank you Rosie. you have a lot of heart in your own stories! appreciate your readership, as ever.
Wow. It's awesome that he got back on track after everything. I'm glad he found the girl and I hope he finds a good place in life. The crack about the hundreds of men she's brought back to her place and her finding the humor in it, got a laugh out of me. I've never thought of the perspective of someone who went through a dog attack like that and had to live on with it. This one really made me think. Excellent story, Clancy.
Loved that story.
My first memory in life is of being attacked by a dog (I was younger than the narrator) and I've gotta say when the story gets into the backyard and the neighbour's dog, I really got nervous.
So much so, that going back, I'm surprised that it starts with the medical report - had completely forgotten about that - in my mind it started with the attack. Very powerful.
(I remained with a fear of dogs, so good for the narrator to be stuck with fences only; seems more limited.)
I liked Helen's place in the story and how she "tests" the narrator bringing him to the dog shelter for their first date. Tells a lot about her. Enjoyed also the way she treated his hand; feels like the perfect way to handle this.
Good job
thanks for reading Anne Marie! I think the fear of the fence is more a fear of reaching out into the unknown for the narrator; extending himself and feeling vulnerable. I think Helen is testing how "real" his story is. hope you got over the dog thing; they are great creatures.
Perfect. My favorite to date.
thanks sean. thanks for being a loyal reader these past couple years. means a lot from you
It’s a pleasure, Clancy!