Putting her arms around him at the edge of the roof took a lot of courage. If he had thrown himself over, she might have gone with him. You did a nice job of maintaining tension with the slow reveal and the ambiguous ending, Clancy. Good to have you back.
So glad to see a new story from you! I find it difficult to build and hold tension in fiction, and the tension held throughout this piece, unresolved even at the end, was well done. Nice one to jump back in with!
There's a special kind of tension that come switch cousins. It's at once filial and platonic and often (at least in stories) has some sexual tension too. You hit all the right notes here though. Good comeback, brother.
I loved the psychic distance here. It was enough to give us some insight into their relationship but the distance leaves room for interpretation. I liked the irony of an aspiring actor trying to cut down other people's career choices because of the idea that they're somehow artificial and unearned is great. I like that there are certain archetypes in your stories. Some of your young men (Issac is one of them) are sort of an artsy take on Holden Caufeild. They may not directly call everyone phony but they're afraid of insincerity in a way causes them to close themselves off and become less sincere over time. Women navigating some sense of obligation while dealing with discomfort is another theme you seem to like. I'm not sure if Salinger does that because I'm not a huge Salinger fan but I like your stuff. Anyway, I'm happy you're back :D
thanks helen!! love your comments as usual. that’s interesting about the male archetype—i think that kind of male is what I am constantly striving to overcome; although, I am pretty harsh with phonies. more that I am trying to embrace sincerity. but I think the modern man has very much succumbed to irony as sincerity carries the weight of effeminacy. as for the women archetype, I think that is maybe just something i learned from the women in my life, mostly.
every woman ive ever known hates Holden Caufield and the catcher in the rye.
this story was VERY influenced by Salinger, as all are. but yeah he’s my god basically. i think he’s more relevant now than ever before.
First thing I've read of yours. Came up in my feed first, so luck of the draw. Thank you for putting it into the Grand Ether.
I will let others hold the stage when it comes to the content above. They're largely right. There's nothing wrong with the story, no real false notes to my ear. One quibble is that they didn't seem to know where each other lived at the beginning but seemed they were previously familiar by the middle.
However, and I apologize for not being 100% positive which seems to be a requirement from some substackers, but to me it reads like an early draft. I feel like there's a lot of opportunity here to improve the delivery of the story. I'd get into specifics, but that's not really what the comment section is for. And I'm sure now, with the distance time brings, you'd see them yourself without my help.
(Here's where I find out its like draft twenty and I'm a right a-hole...)
Regardless, thanks for putting this out there. Keep on writing!
thanks for reading paul. substack fiction is always going to be closer to the first draft than anything else. this didn’t have and beta readers or editors that would have caught most of my blind spots. i of course revised and edited it many times, it depends on what you consider “drafts”. i do t consider it one of my best works. with time, sure, like all my stories, i look back on this and cringe. but that is really the brilliant rawness of it. if you don’t want that, look elsewhere for fiction.
1. I'm not sure which Washington Park this is (Vancouver, Milwaukee, Denver, the slew of them in Mass), but based on context clues with the playhouse, I'm guessing Albany. Its architecture reminds me of several boathouses, small sheds, and the big bandshell in Prospect Park Brooklyn. If it's that one, it's pretty cool.
2. "six-foot a million, gangly as hell, pinheaded" — so a good modeling candidate! hahaha.
3. "He pulled a cigarette from somewhere indeterminate in his pants..." I knew a guy in high school that hid joints in his crotch (before legality), but then would pull them out in full view of everyone, and I always thought, Doesn't that defeat the purpose of hiding it there?
4. I'm not sure who I side with more by the end and that lends itself to a third thing, a synthesis somewhere out in the ether. Good piece.
Welcome back, sir. Sometimes a fellow just needs a friend to remind him that the world isn't so horrible. Maybe she did it under false pretenses but well, life can be that way. I think she actually does care in her own way and so does he. The hug at the end was gripping. Hehe. Really, it was a great moment. Brilliant, Clancy.
You’re back!
indeed. it's steadwell 2.0
Well I very much liked the story steadwell 2.0. Obviously want more.
i will do my best! there’s plenty where it came from (my brain)
Delighted to see you 2.0!
Putting her arms around him at the edge of the roof took a lot of courage. If he had thrown himself over, she might have gone with him. You did a nice job of maintaining tension with the slow reveal and the ambiguous ending, Clancy. Good to have you back.
So glad to see a new story from you! I find it difficult to build and hold tension in fiction, and the tension held throughout this piece, unresolved even at the end, was well done. Nice one to jump back in with!
there's quite a bit of tension isn't there? thank you Stephanie.
There's a special kind of tension that come switch cousins. It's at once filial and platonic and often (at least in stories) has some sexual tension too. You hit all the right notes here though. Good comeback, brother.
sexual!! i didn't even see that but it's there. thanks for reading Evan.
Welcome back!
I loved the psychic distance here. It was enough to give us some insight into their relationship but the distance leaves room for interpretation. I liked the irony of an aspiring actor trying to cut down other people's career choices because of the idea that they're somehow artificial and unearned is great. I like that there are certain archetypes in your stories. Some of your young men (Issac is one of them) are sort of an artsy take on Holden Caufeild. They may not directly call everyone phony but they're afraid of insincerity in a way causes them to close themselves off and become less sincere over time. Women navigating some sense of obligation while dealing with discomfort is another theme you seem to like. I'm not sure if Salinger does that because I'm not a huge Salinger fan but I like your stuff. Anyway, I'm happy you're back :D
thanks helen!! love your comments as usual. that’s interesting about the male archetype—i think that kind of male is what I am constantly striving to overcome; although, I am pretty harsh with phonies. more that I am trying to embrace sincerity. but I think the modern man has very much succumbed to irony as sincerity carries the weight of effeminacy. as for the women archetype, I think that is maybe just something i learned from the women in my life, mostly.
every woman ive ever known hates Holden Caufield and the catcher in the rye.
this story was VERY influenced by Salinger, as all are. but yeah he’s my god basically. i think he’s more relevant now than ever before.
Ah family drama and tension. Well done. 👏
i like to think one of my strengths. thanks for reading Emily
Always 💗 was a lovely surprise finding you in my inbox today!
oh the upstate of it all! good to have you back, clancy. this was great.
it's so provincial isnt it??? thanks for reading, as ever EJ
What a beautiful story, Clancy. I loved the tension, the unease. Long live Saint Rose!
thanks Justin! rip ST ROSE
damn finally!!
;)
ayyyyyyyyy
daddy's home
This is rich and subtly powerful. The title with Lear layers all that much more.
Haven’t been able to hop on here much lately and was so happy to see your story at the top of my feed when I did just now.
(Is your new profile photo of your kid?)
thanks for appreciating the layers, Kate. there's a lot to it that I hope gets discussed. glad you caught me.
photo is of ME, actually! from the 90s as a baby :D
Oh my second guess, ha.
And re the layers, worth a second read.
This one really clicked with me. Loved how all the tension was unsaid, but I felt everything. Welcome back!
glad you liked it brent. thank you!!
First thing I've read of yours. Came up in my feed first, so luck of the draw. Thank you for putting it into the Grand Ether.
I will let others hold the stage when it comes to the content above. They're largely right. There's nothing wrong with the story, no real false notes to my ear. One quibble is that they didn't seem to know where each other lived at the beginning but seemed they were previously familiar by the middle.
However, and I apologize for not being 100% positive which seems to be a requirement from some substackers, but to me it reads like an early draft. I feel like there's a lot of opportunity here to improve the delivery of the story. I'd get into specifics, but that's not really what the comment section is for. And I'm sure now, with the distance time brings, you'd see them yourself without my help.
(Here's where I find out its like draft twenty and I'm a right a-hole...)
Regardless, thanks for putting this out there. Keep on writing!
thanks for reading paul. substack fiction is always going to be closer to the first draft than anything else. this didn’t have and beta readers or editors that would have caught most of my blind spots. i of course revised and edited it many times, it depends on what you consider “drafts”. i do t consider it one of my best works. with time, sure, like all my stories, i look back on this and cringe. but that is really the brilliant rawness of it. if you don’t want that, look elsewhere for fiction.
1. I'm not sure which Washington Park this is (Vancouver, Milwaukee, Denver, the slew of them in Mass), but based on context clues with the playhouse, I'm guessing Albany. Its architecture reminds me of several boathouses, small sheds, and the big bandshell in Prospect Park Brooklyn. If it's that one, it's pretty cool.
2. "six-foot a million, gangly as hell, pinheaded" — so a good modeling candidate! hahaha.
3. "He pulled a cigarette from somewhere indeterminate in his pants..." I knew a guy in high school that hid joints in his crotch (before legality), but then would pull them out in full view of everyone, and I always thought, Doesn't that defeat the purpose of hiding it there?
4. I'm not sure who I side with more by the end and that lends itself to a third thing, a synthesis somewhere out in the ether. Good piece.
Welcome back, sir. Sometimes a fellow just needs a friend to remind him that the world isn't so horrible. Maybe she did it under false pretenses but well, life can be that way. I think she actually does care in her own way and so does he. The hug at the end was gripping. Hehe. Really, it was a great moment. Brilliant, Clancy.
I missed classic Clancy, as refreshing as a popsicle on an August day, loved it
thank you will