the big t (again, print edition this time) - available now

a meta post about the paperback edition of my Substack novel, the big T, now available for purchase

GET the big T NOW BY USING THIS LINK TO GET A $30 YEAR-LONG PAID SUBSCRIPTION TO PERSONA NON PROPRIA.

YOU’LL AUTOMATICALLY GET AN EMAIL WITH A DISCOUNT CODE FOR A COMPLIMENTARY COPY OF THE BOOK AND DIRECTIONS ON HOW/WHERE TO ORDER.

First of all, this is it:

Ain’t it beautiful? Much thanks to

Barış Şehri

for their expertise, guidance, and artistry in bringing this thing to life and really capturing the spirit of the book. I think they are quickly becoming Substack’s favorite designer, as I know of a couple other Substackers who have covers by them. Please give Baris a follow and a subscribe, please.

And you may have noticed I have a new logo, also courtesy of Baris!

And my site is all uniform and contiguous!¹:

Anyways, it’s been a busy summer. Between getting this stuff all setup, doing the rebrand, working on some longer term projects², reading some books³, navigating some personal stuff, et al., I really haven’t had time to read much Substack fiction.

I’ve been doing my bullshit on Notes, walking the line I walk between sincerity, irony, insecurity and overconfidence, and reading the occasional non-fiction literary critique that tends to send me into a spiral, not to mention diving into the Ocean Vuong discourse.

It’s all been worth it. Because it’s here.

And I’m back.

It’s been a windy road to this point for the novel known as the big T.

Let’s go back to last summer.

I had this novel. I had this Substack full of loving and dedicated readers. And thought: I need to get this thing to them.

I set out to study the serial in its Substackian form. What were the methodologies? How to post and number/link chapters? How to best present the story to the reader? Do you recap before each chapter? How often to post? Should entries be episodic?

With the many attempts at fiction serials there are on Substack, I picked a few to read. All of these were by writers I liked. Writers I respected. Writers who I knew were gifted storytellers, who could be counted on to deliver the goods.

Guess what?

I ended up sticking with and finishing only two of them.

This post is not about to turn into another about why serials—or, God-forbid, fiction at large—work or do not work on Substack.

But I noticed the two I did finish, I finished once they were already posted in full.

That’s it! I thought. All of the other serials I were reading ultimately fell away for two reasons of momentum.

Firstly: If I didn’t read the serial entry the instant it got in my inbox or before the next one came out, it became very difficult to re-find where I left off, no matter how well the writer presented it. It became a challenge to trace through the ‘likes’ I made on the posts to find my spot again.

Secondly: Personally, how I find reading a book works best is to get into that hyper-focus state that can only come once you’re ‘warmed up’ to a writer’s prose. It sometimes take the length of a chapter to do so and once you do…now you wait a week for the next one and the momentum must be rebuilt. If you have to put down a chapter for anything that comes along in life—pick up the dog’s poop, pour your wife coffee, board the bus—you’re liable not to get back into it, and now the next chapter is harder too.

So through no total fault of the authors, I understood serials are sometimes difficult and inappropriate for our modern fiction brains.

But I still wanted to post one. Because don’t we all? Because fuck it? We’re posting goddamn fiction on Substack, might as well go big. What was I going to do? Submit it somewhere or something? No way.⁴

I came up with a strategy I thought would help with momentum. I posted this:

the big T

Which was a single, emailed post, containing links to every chapter already posted on Substack. The chapters themselves were mostly self-contained adventures, so even if you missed the prior chapter or one afterward, you could still maybe enjoy. So less of a serial so much as a “web novel.”

The results followed the same patterns I saw in other Substack serials. Lots of initial enthusiasm. Lots of enjoyment. I saved the paywall for the end because I wanted no blocker to any kind of momentum for the reader.⁵ If you got that far, you were probably not going to let it go unfinished. I also began posting about it regularly on Notes, which helped remind readers to pick it back up again. But in the end, it seemed like only half the readers ended up reading the whole thing—my ‘all-at-once’ gambit didn’t seem to have much affect on readership.

I estimate that in the about 10 months since I posted the big T, something like 20-25 people have gotten at least temporary paid subscriptions (lowest $5 rate Substack allows) and read the big T.

I am not at all disappointed with this; given my subscriber count and what I observed elsewhere in terms of reader hesitancy with serials, it felt like a huge win. It’s about 20-25 more people than have ever read a novel of mine before. I made my first writing dollars from it. People who I really respect seemed to like it.

My Substack has only grown since then. My wife had become suitably impressed. Maybe, then, it was worth putting a little extra time, money, and effort into getting it into readers’ physical hands. Because I was going to have a family soon, and would I ever get this kind of time and motivation again?

What’s the deal with the big T, then? Who is this novel for, if not PNP’ers who already read it, know of it, or plan to read it? In other words, how can I convince you to get it?

Best thing I can do is ask you to read some of my other shit first. If it gains your trust, you’ll probably like this novel. Here are some of my stories with similar themes. If you like these, you should be willing to take a chance on the big T.

the other guy was me

how the fight began

external frame

Besides that, let’s talk genre and audience.

Some may quibble with the genre of this thing; it’s not literary fiction, it’s young adult, they’ll say. Or coming-of-age. Humor (unintentional or not).

Whatever. I don’t really care. I’d say it’s a literary bildungsroman.

Based on my observations of who reads my work at large and who read and enjoyed the big T, here is who I can say will definitely enjoy it:

Men around my age (border generation Zillenials) and from a similar background who will heavily relate and identify with the time period and themes, those who like coming-of-age sentimentality, and those who enjoy slightly more mainstream literary novels.

But I like to think people of all types and demographics will enjoy. Of course, this will unfortunately not turn out to be the case.

Here’s the new synopsis:

When quiet, introspective Jude moves to the faded rust-belt town of Veddersburgh, New York, he meets Tommy “Big T” Goodspeed, the charismatic and reckless heir to a declining local grocery empire. Tommy talks fast and lives faster, masking deeper fractures beneath his charm and intelligence. From youthful adventures to turbulent struggles with loss and self-destruction, Jude desperately tries to anchor Tommy’s spiral...until tragedy finally pushes them apart. the big T, a poignant modern American novel by Clancy Steadwell, explores friendship, masculinity, privilege, and the devastating power of addiction—woven through the double helix of a friendship too deep and complicated to ever forget.

Or maybe this Note will explain it better:

Really this book is an extension of my impersonation of autofiction (a pastiche of the genre, if you will—thanks

Alexander Rivera

) that I’ve become practiced with here in my short stories, and that readers seem to appreciate and enjoy.

If you read the Author’s Notes, you’ll see there are a lot of things I’d like to change about the novel, or wish I’d have written differently. The cool thing about self-publishing is if I want to someday re-issue a new version of the book…I can! And will!

But for the most part, the novel holds up. It does what I want. When I re-read it in the print edition, I discovered new themes, new ideas, and drew even more connections than I thought possible. Seeing everyone’s comments and the genuine love for these characters and their paths really cemented my dedication to it and the decision to make it available in a format which—I hope—will see it more widely read.

How to buy?

So, how do I buy this thing? is what I hope you’re asking.

Answer:

You have two options.

Use this link to become a paid subscriber for a $30 dollar annual subscription, and I’ll send you a coupon code and instructions on how to order.

I’d really prefer you did this one. What you get with the annual subscription:

• Book signed by me. Still working on that signature.

• All the big T posts are now behind the paid paywall.

  Each comes with an embedded track that I think underlines the story and I listened to while I wrote it, along with Author’s Notes:

And some Book Club questions if they don’t make you hate me.

Why 30 bucks? Because I recently bought a signed (I didn’t even know it was signed until I got home with it) hardcover copy of Ocean Vuong’s The Emperor of Gladness and that ran me 32 bucks, so I don’t think it’s too big a stretch to think a copy of my paperback novel with my signature and maybe a nice personalized note, plus access to all the bonus content for it online AND some of my extra posts in the next year is worth about the same.

I’m hoping if many take this option, I’ll be able to create more paid content in the coming months (for the big T and otherwise).

There’s also the issue of covering shipping. I’m going full indie on this (no Amazon) with FREE SHIPPING, so $30 is it.

Or…

Go to the same site and pay 20 bucks for it.

If $30 bucks is too much for you for a paperback, I totally understand. You can still go to this site to buy it for $20 bucks, but you won’t be a paid subscriber.

Thanks for making this possible, PNP’ers.

Already Paid Subscribers:

I’ve sent out a communication for those who are already paid subscribers to get a complimentary copy of the book, but feel free to reach out and I’ll send you another code.

1. If a little plain. I was thinking of maybe doing little color doodles to add to each story image. This would be WAY of my comfort zone. So of course I want to try it.

2. Yes, one is a novella—tentatively titled, castler! and the five holders of the phallus, along with some short stories and the editing of another completed novel, also set in the Veddersburgh universe of the big T, called the VHS tapes.

3. Including the novel of a Substacker and the novel of a mainstream literary writer with the initials OV.

4. This is not an indictment of my own measure of the novel’s quality. I just don’t have the energy to let my work sit unread.

5. Insert ‘oh you mean besides your tired-ass prose?’ jokes here.